Early on in our relationship, Brian & I decided we needed to create a ritual to celebrate our commitment as well as be a role model for others.
Role model was not the word we used at the time. We wanted to let others know two men could have a loving, committed, monogamous relationship. We used the word "prove".
We also wanted others to celebrate our commitment with us.
Trouble is, there are not the support structures / public rituals in place for gay couples like there are for straight couples.
We didn't want to do some knock-off or impression act either.
What to do?
After some consideration and discussion we decided upon a Time Capsule. We would create a Time Capsule every ten years. Then for our 50th Anniversary, we would have a big party to crack open the first four and build the fifth. Core to each Time Capsule would be letters from people currently in our lives.
Notice its not letters from friends that we are seeking to include in the Time Capsule. Not that we don't want letters from friends - we do. But we decided we would not seek out long lost friends for letters. We wanted each Time Capsule to be a reflection of our lives at the time each Time Capsule was created.
It was the perfect solution. First it created a way for people in our lives to celebrate our commitment as a gay couple. They wouldn't need to remember. They would be reminded when we asked for a Time Capsule letter.
Second it created a way for us to educate our world about our relationship. How awkward is it to go up to someone and say, "I've been in a gay relationship for 20 years, would you like to congratulate and celebrate with me -- where's my card?" How much easier is it to say, "We are building a Time Capsule and I was wondering if you'd like to write a letter." They will inevitably ask, "Why are you assembling a Time Capsule?" and the conversion naturally flows and opens up.
Third the process intrigued people and brought them together around the topic of gay relationships -- particularly when they heard our plan to have a big party for our 50th Anniversary to crack open the first four Time Capsules and build the fifth.
A gay couple? Together for 50 years?
You bet!
