Communication Style

Entry 1  Part 1

Stardate 01082008

   I remember as a child my grandparents always seemed to be yelling at each other and I always wondered why they would bicker so much. I thought for sure they would get divorced but they are together to this day. How could that be?

  {mosimage} I have realized that Scott and I apparently do the same thing and do not even realize it. We were on vacation in Sedona and we were driving somewhere and Scott's mom was with us. Scott and I were bantering back and forth and mom said why are you guys fighting? Scott and I looked at each other and said we are not fighting.

   Looking at us from someone elses eyes Scott and I had become my grandparents. So how is it that people can appear to be fighting yet not be? It about your communication style. For us these direct, sometimes cutting, sometimes loud interactions are just the way that we clear the air. We tend to 'bicker' and then within seconds we are laughing about something. It's hard for the outside observer to keep up.

   So is this dynamic healthy or not? When I was young I thought not but now I believe that it is. Our communication style evolved through the beginning of our relationship. I had a tendancy to "STUFF" my feelings while Scott on the other hand was direct and clear. I had stress. Scott did not. Why? I would eventually violently erupt and spew out every issue I had for the last three months and it was usually over something minor. Scott never did. I was Pompei and Scott was Old Faithfull. Like the guyser Scott would gently release with no great harm dome. With me I would take down everything in a 50 mile radius.

   Which do you believe is a better style?

Next Time

   Communication Rules: Why they are important and some basics.

 Signing Off

BJ

  

Stop Talking to The Wall

Stardate           01152008

Communication Rules Part 1 - Why are they important and some of the basics.

People communicate for one basic purpose. That is to transfer information to another. The reasons that they need to transfer this information are too numerous to list in entirety. Some include: letting others know about something that happened, perhaps a story. Communication occurs for instruction or training. We communicate constantly throughout or waking lives. Some even communicate to themselves or a most people say. ‘talk to themselves’.

So what is the difference between communicating and talking. For the later, talking is simply one of many methods in which to communicate. Communication is the transference of information from one source to another and again talking is a way to do that. Other methods of communicating include a look, a gesture, a smile, a frown, your stance. All of these also are sending information to the recipient.

Now that we have established that there are multiple reasons to communicate and there are many methods in which to do so let’s go microscopic in the world of information transfer and focus on effective ways of communicating in a relationship.

{mosimage}So why do we need rules for communication as I have suggested? It comes down to two basic issues. ISSUE 1: In general people struggle with getting across what they intend to. ISSUE 2: The recipient does not interpret the information properly. This may sound simple enough but there is a whole lot of cause for issue one and two. Instead of going onto detail at this point I feel it would be more enlightening to list some basic rules of communicating in a relationship and then go into more detail.

I guess I still have not clarified why communication rules are important. As your reading this you may be following me or you may not. The information is a bit jumpy and may or may not be hard to follow depending on your information intake preference. The key here is that your intake preference and your partner’s intake preference may not be the same. So I guess we have ISSUE 3: Intake Preference – or basically the way that you absorb information the best. If you are not following me at this point then I guess it is a problem with your ‘Intake Preference’ and you are on you own or could it be that my delivery isn’t meeting your needs. Thus ISSUE 4: Delivery – how you convey information is as important as the information you convey.

  Now we have four basic issues. We started with two and in a paragraph we have four. This communication seems to be complicated. It is! Some people have trouble with ‘rules’ therefore from this point on they will be called ‘Guidelines’. The reason to have guidelines is not to constrain or restrict communication but to insure that most effective methods of communicating are available to us. You can talk to a wall until you are blue in the face. If it does not respond it is really just a waste of your time. Sometimes when you talk to your partner It Is Like Talking To A Wall. Is it his fault or yours? You will never know until you start communicating in a manner that meets BOTH of your needs otherwise you might as well be talking to a wall. You will get the same outcome. Nothing!