Just hang out

I am so grateful for the support of Brian. And his ability to just "be" without any expectations. Yesterday, after a challenging day of computer errors, I just needed closeness.

[I had learned from the Coping and Stress Profile, that in some areas of my life, my response to stress is through closeness.  Brian's typical coping response is problem-solving and he has learned to adapt to support closeness since learning the degree to which we each use the relationship-based coping skills -- closeness, problem-solving, flexibility and communication].

So we just "hung out."  No agenda.  No focus.  No expectations.  I rubbed his shoulder -- he rubbed my head.  No sex.   Just support through touch.

Its important to have times to "just be" -- to have times for support through touch.  It's amazing.  So many gay couples overlook this aspect of a relationship.  Sure it may happen -- sometimes purposely -- sometimes accidentally -- but its one of the ingredients in the mortar of the foundation of your relationship.  Not to be taken for granted.

When was the last time you experienced this?  What was it like?

Civil Unions and Powers of Attorney

{mosimage}Scenario 1:  Last week I met with a financial planner to talk about consolidating retirement accounts from previous employers.  During our routine interview, he asked me if Brian and I had a will, powers of attorney, health care powers of attorney and living wills.   I said to him that we did but I believed most of these documents were unnecessary for us as a gay couple because we were civil unioned in 2000.  His response was that he wasn’t sure and we should really talk to an attorney and he referred me to one that specializes in legal issues for gay couples.  Now the financial planner I spoke with was in New Hampshire (where Civil Unions for gay couple just started on January 1, 2008) so he may not be familiar with the specific protections afforded to gay couples via civil unions (which I though were separate but equal).

Scenario 2:  I called the companies that manage my retirement funds to get documents to request a roll over of monies.  As they were asking me about the forms, they said that if I was married I needed to have my wife complete a document stating she was waiving her right to 50% of my finds if I rolled them over to another company’s retirement fund.  I said, “I’m civil unioned, do I need to do that?”  The advisor’s response, “I don’t know, you should talk to an attorney.”

Does it seem like no one knows what is going on here?

I, of course, talked to Brian about the issue and I even Googled “Do civil union gay couples need powers of attorney?”

Here is what I discovered from Lambda Legal about New Jersey Civil Unions¹:

Q: Even if my partner and I enter into a New Jersey civil union, are there other precautions we should take?

A: Yes. A civil union is new in New Jersey, and legal statuses for same-sex couples are just beginning to be established in various forms elsewhere in the country. This is a rapidly evolving legal area with much uncertainty. Our experience with New Jersey's domestic partnerships shows us that a status other than marriage is confusing to some people, and invites all people to be discriminatory — despite what the law requires — because a separate status signals unworthiness. Further, the federal government and many other states may not respect your New Jersey civil union, so it is especially important to consider whether you have adequate protections if you are traveling outside of the state. You should consult with an attorney if possible about steps you should take apart from your civil union to provide more security to one another and to your family. For example, you can better protect each other through legal documents like wills, health care proxies, advance directives, cohabitation agreements and powers of attorney. Many of these legal protections are routinely obtained by married couples as well to afford greater security for their family; they can be that much more important for same-sex couples whose New Jersey civil unions may not be respected outside of the state.

:  http://www.lambdalegal.org/our-work/publications/facts-backgrounds/nj-civil-unions-faq.html

Do you have a legal (or other) relationship resource for gay couples? 

Please register and then submit a web-link for our resource section!

It's 2008. What are the goals for your relationship?

During the first few days of each new year Brian and I sit down and take a look at our individual goals as well as goals for our relationship. These past few years I have also revised my business plan for True Azimuth and presented it to him for input and approval.

"Approval?" you ask.  "What ever would you need that for?"

We are a partnership -- in more ways than one.  Starting a new business requires start up capital as well as other lifestyle financial choices.  So it is important that he share my vision. 

Its really our vision.  Our future.

And we have faith and trust in each other -- grounded in our commitment to be together "until death do us part" -- as hokey as some people may believe that to be -- we really mean it.

Every business coach / personal coach stresses the importance of clearly defined goals. You need clearly defined goals in order to achieve success.  However, clearly defined goals are not enough. Goals need objectives and action steps (tasks).  Like the needle on a compass, they point in the direction  you want to go, allowing you to maintain your focus in the present while not losing your way.

Goals also need to be reviewed regularly.

A few years ago, I stopped writing goals down.  Not because it's a waste of paper -- but I because I found a better way.  Using a software-based system called GoalPro because it had the tools to define, maintain, track, and achieve my goals.  Its awesome.  But don't take my word for it.  Download a free trial version and try it out for yourself.

Are you still setting your goals on paper??

Build a Stronger, Winning Relationship

PRESS RELEASE

March 30 2007

Brian J. Stephens
True Azimuth, LLC
Phone:  802-380-8455
FAX:  802-333-9006
Email:  bjstephens@TrueAzimuth.biz

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Build a Stronger, Winning Relationship

True Azimuth, LLC released today a Relationship Empowerment Workbook for gay and lesbian couples who want to build a stronger, winning relationship.  The free workbook uses information from the DiSC 2.0 profile available from Inscape Publishing.

DiSC, a behavioral-style assessment to help people learn about their own behavior, improve communication and reduce conflict, has been used worldwide in business for organizational development and performance improvement.  DiSC has 30 years of proven reliability and over 40 million users.

“We’ve taken the information from Inscape’s DiSC to a whole new ‘interpersonal’ level,” says life and relationship coach Scott Graham who authored the workbook.  “When you complete a DiSC profile you get a report that summarizes your behavioral style and includes recommendations for your work environment.  If you want to use DiSC to increase your effectiveness in your personal life or with your partner -- unless you were working with a coach to help you -- there was little to bridge the gap – until now,” says Graham.

The self-directed workbook provides the process toward increased effectiveness as a couple.  “First you evaluate your DiSC report -- highlighting insights from behavioral summaries outlined in the report including what motivates you and what you need -- based on the report.  Then you do the same for your partner,” says Graham.  “Then you compare perspectives.”

According to Graham, the part of the workbook where couples compared perspectives was the most significant exercise reported by couples while the workbook was being developed.  “Perspective is a key area I work on with my coaching clients, says Graham. “Sometimes how we see our selves doesn't match up with how we really are.  Making sure we are seeing things accurately is pivotal in gaining traction toward building not only a winning relationship but a winning life!”

Finally a seven-day success chart couples learn a game plan for building a winning gay / lesbian relationship.  “Both the DiSC Report and the workbook introduce a new language for couples to use in their relationship” says Graham.   “Introducing DiSC language into the culture of a relationship enhances communication and problem solving.”

The workbook is free but requires the purchase of an online DiSC profile.  “Each workbook is individualized based on the results of two DiSC profiles:  yours and your partners,” says Graham.  “We take the data and create two personalized workbooks which we send to each couple along with their reports.”

The workbook is not just for new couples – or even couples who may be struggling in their relationship.  “Whether you have been together 50 days or 50 years there is room to create a stronger, winning relationship,” says Graham

True Azimuth, LLC, headquartered in West Fairlee, Vermont, began offering business, personal and relationship coaching in 2006 as well as the Navigating Together™ Relationship Course for gay couples.   For more information and to preview the workbook, go to http://NavigatingTogether.info/workbook.htm.  For more information about life, business or relationship coaching call Scott Graham at 802-380-1026 or email sgraham@trueazimuth.biz.

Inscape Publishing, renowned as the world's leader in DiSC learning, is headquartered in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  They are the leading independent publisher of research-based self-assessments.
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Build a Stronger Relationship in 2007

 PRESS RELEASE

January 3 2007

Brian J. Stephens
True Azimuth, LLC
Phone:  802-380-8455
FAX:  802-333-9006
Email:  bjstephens@TrueAzimuth.biz

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Build a Stronger Relationship in 2007

True Azimuth, LLC announced today the 2007 dates for their 3-day adventure-based gay couples course.  Each course, held in the mountains of Vermont, takes place on the second full weekend of each month from June through October.  Couples will be involved in orienteering, adventure-based problem solving exercises, trust activities, a solo reflection experience, and even an open fire cooking challenge.

“The cooking challenge was a popular activity last year,” says Scott Graham, a life and relationship coach who co-leads the course.  “It’s based upon excavated kitchen set ups used during the Revolutionary War.  Couples have to work together to make a dinner using minimal tools – like some cooking activity you would see on Bravo’s ‘Top Chef’ TV show – but unlike ‘Top Chef’ the focus is not on creating a winning meal but learning about each other to create a winning relationship.”

Creating a winning relationship is not the only topic covered during the course.  Other topics include:   building a personal foundation, stopping problems at the source, maintaining balance in life, talking about sexuality and living with integrity.

The course includes a pre-course behavioral-style assessment to help couples understand their own behavior, improve communication, appreciate different styles and reduce conflict.  Post-course coaching sessions help translate what couples learn during the weekend into reality back at home.

“Coaching is the most highly rated part of the experience,” says Graham.  “Couples can integrate what they learn and move beyond good intentions – to dynamic growth”

And the course is not just for new couples – or even couples who may be struggling in their relationship.  “Whether you have been together 50 days or 50 years there is room to create a stronger, winning relationship,” says Brian Stephens, Graham’s partner of 18 years and course co-leader.  “An enduring relationship that remains viable for both people over the long haul is hard work.   Each year brings new changes as well as new challenges and with few role models where do we go?” asks Stephens. 

“Vermont, the second weekend of the summer months,” added Graham.

Each course is limited to 6 couples.  The 2007 dates are:
Friday June 8 - Sunday June 10
Friday July 13 - Sunday July 15
Friday August 10 - Sunday August 10
Friday September 14 - Sunday September 16
Friday October 12 - Sunday October 14

True Azimuth, LLC began offering the Navigating Together Course in 2006.  The firm offers a wide array of services including business, personal and relationship coaching.    For more information about the course and to register, go to http://NavigatingTogether.info or email Brian Stephens at bjstephens@TrueAzimuth.biz.  For more information about life and relationship coaching go to http://TrueAzimuth.biz or call Scott Graham at 802-380-1026 to set up a complimentary coaching session.
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Relationship Course for Gay Couples

PRESS RELEASE

Brian J. Stephens
True Azimuth, LLC
1098 Wild Hill Road
Fairlee, VT 05045
802.380.8455 (mobile)                                                                                            
bjstephens@TrueAzimuth.biz

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE     


Relationship Course for Gay Couples

True Azimuth, LLC announced today a 3-day adventure-based course for gay couples.  The course, which will be held in the mountains of Vermont, takes place Thursday August 31 - Saturday September 2 2006.   Scott Graham, personal/executive coach, described the course as “an opportunity for couples to learn about themselves and each other while developing a framework for success and sustainability in their relationship.”

Highlights of the course include helping couples: make better decisions for themselves and their relationship, become more intimate with each other, increase awareness of personal dynamics, identify core values and create a framework to establish balance between home, work, and play.

Couples will be involved in orienteering, adventure-based problem solving exercises, trust activities, a solo reflection experience, and an open fire cooking challenge based upon the excavated kitchen set ups used during the Revolutionary War.

One of the real bonuses of the course is a pre-course DiSC® assessment and a complimentary post-course coaching session. The DiSC assessment can help couples understand their own behavior, learn how and when to adapt their behavior, improve communication, promote appreciation of differences and reduce conflict.  “As a life coach I work with individuals and couples to help them get more out of life.  This course offers an opportunity for a couple to jumpstart that experience,” Graham said.

“While we will be learning a lot we will also have a whole lot of fun,” said Graham.  The course is being co-led by Brian Stephens, Graham’s partner of 17 years.  Planned discussion topics include:  communication, strategies to a strong personal foundation, what is really causing problems, how to have a balanced life, self-care, sexuality, values and integrity.

The course is limited to 6 couples to insure quality time and effectiveness of the experience.

For more information about the course and to register, go to http://NavigatingTogether.info or email Brian Stephens at bjstephens@TrueAzimuth.biz.

True Azimuth, LLC is a coaching service started by Scott Graham to help clients get their bearings and get going™.  Services include: life coaching, business coaching, adventure-based activities and personal learning tools like the DiSC Profile, Time Mastery Profile and Coping and Stress Profile.

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